 For every man, boy, teenager, son and father
First, it is very important for a male to acknowledge he has masculine "identity issues," moreso than any female, who (in one stage at least, that of maiden) has her monthly cycle as an affirmation of her sexual identity. Second, he must also recognize the rituals and ceremonies that are performed cross-culturally during puberty as an initiation of the boyhood-to-manhood transition, most importantly along with one's own father or a male role model. Circumcision is one, along with certain Native American rites of him hanging by his hooked chest in the sun until he pulls the hooks out. The male, unlike the female, needs his psyche to be shocked with the impression of maturity, and coming into his own, separate from the mimicked father figure, and at the same time away from the mother (Oedipus complex, as opposed to the woman's Elektra complex). It may not come simply from one act alone, should it be insufficient. Sometimes these may be violent or dangerous, even life-threatening, such as hazing or Russian Roulette. I do not think that all cases of homosexuality stem from identity and mother/feminine issues - in fact, perhaps a small percentage of the homosexual population. It is a natural phenomenon which has been observed even in animals; that is perhaps my only reservation about this book. The results of incomplete masculinity can result in depression and lack of sociability, among other things described. This book also gives real-life cases as examples. Aside from the aforementioned reasons as to why there are such issues, I personally am of the opinion that it is also due to the father being away from home (traditional role of working, though it is being reduced, even reversed, or responsibilities shared equally by both parents) or no longer being with his family (divorced, deceased, absentee or broken up). The mother is perhaps with the children more often, and definitely bonds with them first and on a different level. (...)
Excellent!
Very well written book about the problems and issues between fathers and sons. Loved it!
 The book I'd been looking for all my life
The picture on the cover of this book illustrates exactly how I have felt my whole life. This book has been a great help to me for years, and I wonder why more books like this aren't available; I had searched and searched for that book that described exactly what I was experiencing and how to heal from it, and I had all but given up, concluding that such a book had not been written and that no one else had ever experienced what I have. As "fate" would have it, I would soon stumble across ABSENT FATHERS, LOST SONS. I felt vindicated. I have found other books that have been very helpful for me, but this book feels as though it were written specifically for me. And since others have found this book helpful, I realize that I in fact am not alone in what I have experienced. Guy Corneau has noticed what I have: he opens by saying that males in general have more developmental problems than women, and therefore it is puzzling that more is not being done to help men. Corneau argues that all men live in a kind of hereditary silence and that we fear that any man who speaks out about pain is a threat to male solidarity. The result of not speaking out is that men suffer alone and in silence, and the pain gets channeled in other directions; as Corneau points out, men far outnumber women in the prison systems. Corneau argues that for a man "to not have a father is to not have a backbone," and that the resulting lack of structure often results in anti-social behavior; men with absent fathers (emotionally absent will suffice) often turn to what Corgneau terms the "dark father complex," the clinging to extreme and often violence-based models of masculinity (such is the case with men who join gangs, etc.). Two things that I found very interesting: Corneau argues that men who have not felt close enough to their fathers, will often be insecure in their sexuality and this will often result in them becoming "seducers"; the logic being that if they seduce enough women, and appear in the eyes of society to be "studs," then they will make up for the emptiness and insecurity they feel from never having been "confirmed" by their fathers, i.e., never having felt that their fathers accepted them as men. Corneau says that often when a man thinks he is running low on women, he is actually running low on men. Another fascinating thing is that Corneau argues that "seducer" men are often highly sensitive men who refuse to acknowledge and accept their sensitivity. These issues are described in my favorite chapter of the book, where the author discusses the various roles men find themselves in: the Hero, the Good Boy, the Eternal Adolescent, the Male Feminist, the Seducer, and the Homosexual. Corneau takes us through each of these roles and describes them step-by-step. Corneau argues that homosexual men are often obeying the unspoken command that they should never belong to any woman but their mother. This book has been extraordinarily helpful for me for years now. I don't know where I'd be without this book. I would like to meet the author and shake his hand. ABSENT FATHERS, LOST SONS has helped me come to terms with myself, understand myself, and realize that I am not alone; many men suffer from the pain of not having felt close enough to their fathers. This book presents a somewhat revolutionary idea for this day and age: that fathers *are* important.
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